9 years ago, on this evening my life forever changed… And while my life merely changed, another life was lost forever. The accident was not my fault. But being connected to life ending in any manner isn’t something I would wish for anyone to ever experience. My heart will forever go out to the family, the friends and even those who never had a chance to know the young man who drove his motorcycle into my car on the evening of November 29, 2006… I am forever grateful to all the people that night who stopped when they saw what took place and did what they could to help. To the two young men who thankfully were wearing white t-shirts and used them to flag oncoming cars in both directions to avoid further catastrophe on that night. I’m thankful every single day of my life that I was alone in my car and that Brandon was not there with me, and not only wasn’t hurt but didn’t have to experience what took place or see me in that condition. I’m grateful to the Fire Dept, Paramedics, EMTs, and Police Officers on the scene. There are no words to express the gratitude I have for my family and friends who truly were there for me. Those who showed me love unconditionally.
My life almost ended that night. Complications from the accident have continued on for years. And here I am 9 years later still living in tremendous pain. But, the most important thing, is that I am LIVING !!! We are still hopeful that in time the pain will decrease or be gone all together. We’re open to new routes to try and achieve that and have tried so many things. I cannot lie, being in pain 24/7 is friggen exhausting. Anyone who says it isn’t, isn’t being honest with themselves or others. I don’t deny that it sucks. I simply accept that for right now, in this moment, it’s not something I can control. I guess while I still have tremendous pain every day I have to look back and recall what the misfires were once like and how horrific things were when the tumors were in there and causing my entire body to shake, my speech was messed up, hands trembled all the time, and docs were diagnosing me with things like MS and other auto immune and neurological disorders because they were misreading my symptoms and couldn’t figure out what was happening. Thank God for the MRI which revealed the nerve tumors and thank God for my Cali Doctor who was the only one willing to go in and get them out. I truly believed once they were gone I would free of pain. Sadly that didn’t happen, but I was free of the neurological madness they had been creating in my brain and body. So again while not a perfect situation, there was major improvement.
My life is one I can look back upon and see so much improvement. And that is something I proud of every day. Sometimes it feels like someone turned up the ball machine and they’re firing 1000 baseballs my way and I can’t swing fast enough to keep up. lol. I have learned that it’s ok to feel that way from time to time. It’s ok to get exhausted. It’s okay to allow yourself rest or to slow down. I have always been 100mph kinda person. And then one day someones on a motorcycle doing well beyond 100mph and drives right into and in doing so, your life quickly slows it’s roll. I have often been asked why I was never angry, why I never got upset with the person who caused the accident that night. How can I get angry at someone who is no longer here? And what purpose would anger serve me or anyone else? Anger wouldn’t have driven me to walk again after being told it wasn’t possible. Anger wouldn’t have helped my family go through all the worry, stress and feelings they were going through. Anger would not have keep me alive in anyway… In my opinion, anger would have only made things harder- for everyone. I am not a perfect person. I’ve made mistakes in this life. Everyone has. Forgiveness is what frees us. Forgiveness is what allows us to keep moving forward in our lives. Anger makes people sick. It keeps people attached to the negatives in this life. Anger keeps you living in the past. Our past is our past. It is part of what has lead us to the place we are today. I have ZERO regrets. Every single solitary action, and reaction, every feeling, every thought, they all matter and they all were and are a crucial part of life. Something I think we all need to think about from time to time and realize the importance of ones past, but never allow ourselves to be chained to it. Yesterday was lived, and now TODAY is meant to be lived 100% in the here and now, and God willing tomorrow will be gifted…
I would like to once again say thank you, because I could never thank the people who have been there for me enough. Thank you to each and every one of you out there who were there back then, who were there throughout all that followed, and who are there still. My life has been so blessed, and no matter the hards that have happened throughout this Journey, the blessings have more than surpassed the them all. Life is full of balance. Finding ours, accepting ours, and living within ours is key… I have been a firm believer all my life that the things that have gone on in my life, had far more to do with then just me. I wasn’t in need of a wake up call to appreciate my life or life in general. Some times people do need that and things like accidents and cancer give them a huge wake up call and change their lives. I have found for me, that instead my experiences, my story shared, my life has helped others to find greater appreciation in their own lives. My life has helped inspire others, motivate others, and give others a deeper sense of gratitude and appreciation for who they are, and all they have in this life. For that I am so grateful. It gives me some sense of sanity in the insanity. lol. We all have a purpose in this life. We all make a difference in this life. Whatever it is you do, whoever it is you love, whatever of yourself you give to others, YOU are making a difference in this life. Doesn’t matter if it’s to one person or to a million. Any life that is bettered because of YOU, is a life thats bettered. Be the best YOU that you can be. Be the best partner. The best friend. The best parent. The best boss. The best employee. The best ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING you possibly can… If we all did so, this would be the best world it could be… Just imagine that…
Life is the greatest gift that we can ever be gifted. It should never be wasted. Never be unappreciated. Never be taken for granted. Never give you some sense of entitlement. Never be lived from or about selfishly. Be the gift that you were created to be. Be the friend, the partner, the kind of person you want in your life to those in your life. To have true friends, you must be a true friend. To have a partner in this life worth sharing your life with, you must be that partner yourself. And last but not least everyone who has actually taken the time to read my mini novel here. lol. Don’t let lifes speed bumps, potholes, or detours, throw you off your route. Your Journey in this life is gonna have road blocks. It’s gonna have things that try to throw you off your path. Things that slow you down. Realize when you are slowed down, that that in itself serves a purpose. Perhaps you were meant to take that time to reflect, to think, to create a new plan of action… the list goes on as to the reasons… But to often people allow the hurdles that come along the way to stop them… If you are still breathing, if you are still here, if you are still ALIVE, then keep on keeping on. Don’t allow anyone or anything to stop you…. being slowed up a bit isn’t being stopped… It’s actually the time when you build the very most…
Wishing you all a beautiful and blessed Sunday. Thank you all for being a part of my Journey. For being the blessings you are in my life. I have the most incredible Ohana a bring could ever be blessed to have. My life, my heart, my spirit are full of love that is given and received fully and appreciated for the gift that truly is.