Today was my second round with Prosthetic company… Two more check sockets were made, to try two different systems using the custom liner they had made for me… Summary of the visit. FAIL… Plan A, Plan B and Plan C are all a bust… Now we’re reverting back to system I was already in, which was working when first made and I just started bottoming out really bad and they couldn’t seem to pad it or add socks to help it fit right. So now they’re molding the socket I already have and going to create a smaller version of it and try that. Weird route to take. I think they should be re molding me wearing the liner that only this system can use, which is how the leg was first made last year… But then what do I know, I’m not the Prosthetic guy. lol.
His opinion is I should be having more revision surgery. My Ortho doesn’t agree, nor do I… I think it’s possible to get me in a prosthetic that will not add more pain than I already have. I understand pain free one isn’t an option, but it should not give me even more pain, or create pain in places I don’t normally have either. Today it was squeezing on the base of my stump so bad, and pressing on nerves or something that connect to a foot I don’t have. All my toes were moving, as was my foot and it was hurting. I do not suffer from phantom pain at all normally. That has been one blessing in all this, so adding phantom pain to the mix is not something I would welcome. Geez… I now have a very pissed off stump AGAIN. It’s very red and was already bruised before we even left the Prosthetics office. Not a fun day and not a successful one. Matt made a good point that they don’t realize that not only is it ridiculously painful doing these fittings, having to keep forcing your stump into something that is to small, too tight, and applies pressure to the areas they specifically were told by your Doctor not to ever do… anyway, but they don’t realize the emotional part of these visits either.
I’ve been told my whole life I have such an incredible tolerance to pain, but I’m sure this guy thinks I’m a big wimp, haha. I didn’t cry or anything while there. I save that for the hour drive home. haha. Oh well, you know me I have to find a silver lining in everything, so I guess this one would be, sometimes you have to rule out what doesn’t work in order to rule in what does. And sometimes what you had to begin was the right route and just needs to be improved upon, adjusted or re created to properly fit….
I never went in to get a new system. He was just so excited to get me in one, and so excited about the custom liner, which excited me about it. I loved all this new technology and options I’d have… Sadly they just aren’t the right ones for me. And that is ok… Just hoping to have success with his new way of molding my old socket and shrinking it a little. I don’t agree with this route, but will leave it to the professional… should it not work out, Matt and I discussed it together and feel I may need to go somewhere else … or perhaps explain again the importance of molding it from start to finish the way you would any new system and socket… I get why he’s going the route he is, because he feels it once worked and modifications that he may not know of could have been made by the previous tech who made it, and he wouldn’t know what those were… I think it’s more a short cut, but that’s just me. I’m not a real short cut kinda person. As long as it works, I’ll be a happy camper. If it doesn’t we will keep at it, till something does. I’m going to get creative myself this week and have a few ideas to make the leg I have fit a little more comfortably in the meantime…
Yes, this was me venting… all better now. Even I get frustrated and emotional. I just want to be able to be in a prosthetic and be able to get out of bed, put it on and walk in it all day. I want to workout. I want to hike. I want to rock climb. I want to surf. I want to wear my leg all day and night until bed time. I want a lot of things, like anyone would in my situation. I won’t give up until it happens. And it will happen. My Mom reminds me that I’ve never done anything in my life the easy way, so why on earth would I expect this to be different… ahhh it would just be nice once maybe to experience that tho. haha. Loving the people I love comes easy, and it’s about the only thing that does, haha. And it’s probably the best thing in the world to be able to do, so I’ll quit my bitching now. But I will never quit striving for all that I know is possible. I refuse to believe I’m not a prosthetic candidate or that I need hack off more of leg to be in one. We got rid of the necrosis and there is no reason to remove more of my leg. When it was my life on the line, it was the right thing to do. Pain itself isn’t reason enough and doesn’t guarantee a damn thing in the end. So no. lol. Nuff said.