Some times you have to step back, in order to better see all you have…

We all have our battles. When it comes to ours, we accept them and do what is needed to fight em. We don’t make excuses for where things are or where they aren’t… We just do what is needed as best as anyone can. That’s what we all should do. Life is worth the fight. Our children are worth the fight. Our families are worth the fight. Our lives are worth the fight. Fight for yours. Change the things that need changing, if you have the power to do so. Accept the things you can’t. Find ways to move forward instead of staying in the same spot, with the same complaints, and the same struggles. Tackle what you can, one thing at a time, or all at once. Whatever works for you, or whatever life decides for you. Life is amazing. Even when it’s tough as hell, it’s so incredibly amazing. People often make the choice to make their own lives more difficult then they need to be. That is fine, if it only effects you. But if your doing so effects others, like your children, family, friends,  or anyone tied to those whose lives in return effect others lives, then you need to get a grip. If you wanna hurt yourself, that is your choice. But if doing so hurts others, then think about that for just a minute. People say how much they love another, but then they purposely do things to bring them more pain. Perhaps in ones defense they are to caught up in their own pain to realize the pain they are causing others? You gotta look at when what you are doing could and likely will cause collateral damage.

The hardest things we go through make us grow the most. Sometimes we need a reminder to appreciate life- I mean really appreciate life. Really appreciate others. Let it serve as such and don’t allow it to abuse or hurt anyone else. Those of us with children know rule number one- love, protect, and support our children. Always do them no harm and do your best to keep them from harm in this life. Knowing harm and pains will likely come in life beyond our control, but never should it be because of you… Also realize if you’re living your life in a manner that you know isn’t what it should be, that it’s almost impossible for that not to effect your loved ones. They wouldn’t be your loved ones if they didn’t love you. Honor that love.

Self, self, self… Me, me, me… My, my, my…  I, I, I…. These are where many people seem to get stuck. Time to get un-stuck… I’ve to often seen the devastation that people cause to those they claim to love the most. The very ones they say they are protecting, are the ones they are actually harming. Parenting is a perfect example of this…It deeply harms and hurts your children to say bad things about their other parent to them, in front of them, around them. You can think and feel whatever you choose about that person, but you have to realize that talking shit to your child about their parent, only leaves your child to feel like shit. It happens all the time in splits, divorces, and even when children have reached adulthood and move on in life. It’s parents who can’t let go, that hold their own children back. If your children want to get out there in the world and go after their dreams it’s not because they want to get away from you, it’s more likely because you’ve raised them to believe in themselves and go after their dreams, and to live THEIR life. If you feel the need to try and hold them back, you’re doing so because of your own fears for yourself, not your fears for them. If you talk crap about your childs Mom or Dad every time they come home from a visit, its genuinely because of your own insecurities. Worrying about whether your child had more fun with their other parent, then with you, is silly. Every experience is different. Being a parent isn’t all about the fun is it? If only. lol. Deliberately withholding your children from another parent, bashing them, creating a barrier between them, is usually because you have issues with no longer having them in your life. If you need to trash talk your child/childrens other parent, do it alone with your friends or therapist. Don’t allow it to trash the relationship they have together, just because you no longer are together. Don’t be jealous of it, envious of it, or in judgement of it. Just allow it to be. A childs relationship with their parent should be “their” relationship and not yours.It’s sad and sick to see so much of what parents can do to one another. It’s not necessary, and it’s harmful in ways most people just don’t seem to realize. It’s easy to get caught up in whatever anger or hurt you have towards the other parent, but does hurting your child/children make that any better? There are plenty of dead beat parents out there, on both mothers and fathers side. There are a TON of parents who have no business being parents.

There is one basic reality here that gets lost at times… Being a parent is a gift. It should be honored and treated always as such. Our children are the most incredible gifts we ever could be gifted in life, after our own creation. If we weren’t created, and then combined together, this child would never exist. So whether you like, dislike, hate or whatever the other parent, you need to remind yourself that without them, your most cherished blessings and gifts in this life wouldn’t exist. This alone should be reason enough to put a stop to so much that gets done to children, simply because parents cannot separate their own feelings from their children’s. When you take on the responsibility of being a parent, you take on putting a life, ones needs, ones everything before yours…

I had someone tell me recently in regards to things they were doing, that the only person they were hurting was themselves. This person has a few beautiful children and a wonderful spouse. To think that they would not be hurt, shows how little one thinks about them at all. Harsh of me to say, but very real. This is how I am professionally and personally. And a reason I believe I’ve been blessed to have such incredible friends in my life for all of my life. People, whether they like what you say or not, generally prefer honestly. Those who don’t aren’t people being honest with themselves. I prefer to be straight up, and just allow a person to see the whole picture. To think that we ourselves makes the whole picture is much like thinking the world revolves only around us. Some times you have to step back as well, in order to better see all you have.

The key is pretty simple- do you want to be in this life? Then do so if you have the choice to do so. Do you truly care about your family and friends? Then stop trying so hard to create things that aren’t, or dwell on things that are, only to further bring them all down. Think about the choices you make and the impact they can, will and do have on others. We really do choose to make life better or harder based on the cards we are dealt. You get a shitty hand, it doesn’t mean you shit on others. Throw the cards back and see what you are dealt. Or deal with the cards you are holding and make the best of what might seem shitty, but in the end could be something amazing. Remember the next hand could be a royal flush! You have stay in, in order to know what cards are left to be dealt.

Every step, every choice, everything you put out into this universe sets in play actions and reactions that continue on far beyond just yourself. Make the best of each of those steps and choices, that are not only best for you, that best serve you, but those that better serve the needs of others as well. Life isn’t all about I, ME, and MY… If I was it would be pretty damn boring wouldn’t it?

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